We have shades for the picture window. We keep them up all the time because they are broken due to our dogs inability to contain their excitement for new mail, new packages, and the sexy dogs of the neighborhood who are walking their humans. This despite the fact that they do not get any mail and the neighbor dogs are seemingly not interested. We could replace them, but the excitement of the dogs would not end there.

I know that the commuters, particularly the ones who stop at the ‘T’, can see me sitting here most mornings in my boxers if they are lucky (less if they are not) reading books on my book reading technology while waiting for others in my family to wake up. Then I have to wonder what the reaction is.

Do they avert their eyes from the overweight, hairy, tattooed, pierced, aging man that they see? Do they change their morning commute in order to do so? I have noticed no decrease in traffic (yet). Do they shout obscenities at what they feel violated by having seen without their permission? I have always contended that when someone looks into a window of someone else’s life, what they see is their own responsibility to deal with.

I am not here trying to be looked at. I just want to read my book and watch the cars drive by. I am in my house reading my book. Why should I have to make myself less comfortable in my private vicinity for their comfort on a public street?

A few days ago we put plastic eggs all over the yard and let Tsunami and Jupiter hunt for them. It was all part of some sort of Spring holiday tradition wherein folk celebrate everything from simple sugar overdose to sex and fertility to even walking dead deities.

Tsunami really enjoyed this egg hunting part of the holiday because, to him, the eggs look a lot like balls. At this stage in his life, he is very obsessed with balls. With the ‘ball’ hunt in mind, he was out to find some again today.

His ability to find balls in just about anything is pretty amazing to me. Today he was not off the mark by any means. He found some plants in the yard that were growing purple balls at the flower and started picking the balls off of them.

As I watched him I started to appreciate his natural curiosity in the world around him. He was driven not only by his appreciation of cylindrical objects, but also discovering textures and interacting by testing the limits of the things he saw. He was feeding his scientific curiosity by testing his own limits too. As he climbed up on a table which was near the place we were sitting he wanted to see how far “up” he could get.

I spoke to Chris about how valuable the uninterrupted exploration of the world is for kids (and everyone, really). How kids naturally employ the scientific method, and how sometimes parents might prevent them from doing so when we think we know better.

Certainly there are times when we know better and our fears for their wellbeing are legitimate. For example if a child is new to walking outside alongside a street, they may lack the experience to know why wandering into the area where cars are driving is probably not the best plan of action. That is truly where the role of the parent to step in is indisputably part of the job.

However, there are other times when taking control of a situation can be harmful to development. Indeed, a few minutes later Tsunami did fall down and hit his head on a piece of landscaping wood and got hurt. I suppose if we had not been giving him the freedom to wander around the yard or had been hovering over him the painful incident could have been averted. But then he would not have had the pleasurable experience he had just before that.

I think even in hitting his head he learned something too. He learned that he can try, fail, and live to try again. He learned that the pain will pass. He also learned that he has people to support him and help pull him out of the hardship of failing as Chris ran over to comfort him just after the incident occurred. He now has a little more reassurance than before that his mother will be there to help pick him up when he falls and confidence to explore even more. Certainly, the more one falters, the better that person gets at pulling themselves back up.

Dear Reader,

It has been a while since I posted here. That really is a shame too. There is a lot more that I have to say. I have just been either too busy, or too busy making excuses. So I will hope that ends now. Time shall tell.

For now, I just want to reinforce something that has been hinted at before on this blog and has recently been floating around my head a lot.

I seem to be pretty likable sometimes. I mean, I have a wonderful wife who checks out that theory. I have a sizable number of friends and family who, at the very least, tolerate me. I have a couple of kids who seem pretty happy with me most of the time. The point is, I am satisfied with who I am. I think that is a good thing. Very adequate, in fact.

So then, once that satisfaction has been met, I need to think about what brings me to this point. I need to think about what makes me, well… me. Of course that would be everything and everyone who has influenced me.

This means that if I could go back and change something in my life I would definitely not do that. I would hope that no one else would want to either, but I realistically know that there are those out there who would.

It just seems so pointless to me though. Once you have changed any one thing, there would be a different you. A you who is not the same you who would have made that change. Then you have to wonder what the new you would change about their/your life. And, as you can probably tell, the slippery slope slides on.

This is why I figure it is best for each of us to accept who we are and work with that. Who wants to play those never-ending cat and mouse games? Not me.

So be the best you that you can be. I will try to do the same.

Also, thanks for your influence in my life that made me who I am. Even if you are just passing by this post and never commented or interacted in anyway on this site until today you have now influenced me in some small way. While I try not to pay much attention to pageview statistics, somewhere there is a hit count that you caused to happen which might just encourage me to keep writing in this space.

Some folk believe in a god which is entirely consistent with the good will of humanity. I believe in this ‘god’, but I do not call this idea a god. I call this idea goodwill, humanism, or some thing that appears to our conscious to be an act of kindness. I do not claim certainty in knowing whether this is a part of what some might call ‘free will’ or a display of cause and effect or something in between. I just call it goodwill, humanism, act of kindness in an attempt to relate the notion to others in discourse.

Some folks believe in a god which is consistent with a series of scripture that what written by dessert people during a period of time spanning 6000-10000 years ago. They believe in a demigod named Jesus who was written about by another group of dessert people approximately 2000 years ago approximately 1.5-2 human lifetimes after his presumed death. I am almost certain that this god does not exist. I am also almost certain that the demigod called Jesus did not exist. I am not certain whether a man name Jesus existed, but find the notion irrelevant because that man was only a man if he did in fact exist. A man who has some humanist ideas associated with him, but a man none the less. A man who’s good ideas about kindness and good will, while favorable, were not originated by him, if he indeed existed in any way consistent with what is told in the New Testament of these ancient scriptures, and were certainly not exclusive to him in any way. Most men living at that time could easily have told you that these are values that much humanity as a whole had learned by this time period. The man labeled Jesus certainly does not deserve any special credit, if he indeed existed at all.

The problem with the use of the term “god” to describe any belief, is that it is useless. It is so vague that it does not describe anything at all. It is so relative to each individual that it cannot possibly be a useful word in any context. I might use some words that are misunderstood, or less understood such as the words ‘atheist’ or ‘humanist’. I do not claim that there is a complete lack of subjective definition in those words, but they do still serve as a precursor to legitimate discussion which I can use to begin to identify what I mean by them.

It is a two hour and forty-five minute class three times a week. It has already shown to be disruptive to his exploratory time. This morning he was telling me that he wanted to go to the Science Center. I told him that we would try to fit it in, but we had other priorities that needed to be complete before we could go. Well, time was short and Jupiter dragged along this morning, so we did not go to the Science Center.

Today is his second day of preschool. He seemed to like it yesterday. I barely got a goodbye from him as he was already deep into playing with the other kids. I think it will be good to spend time with kids his age on a consistent basis. Sure, Chris and I take him places and he plays with kids his age quite a lot, but he seems to want to be forming more in depth relationships with others of his age. Preschool will provide an opportunity for that.

He was pretty wore out by the end of the day yesterday. This is throwing his routine in to upheaval, and a little adjustment phase is to be expected.

I am going through my own adjustment about this as well. For one thing, I might be able to find more time for studying, writing, and housework. I really can use the extra time. However, even though it is only a few hours a week, I miss him. 

Today the boys and I took an unexpected trip to the St. Louis Science Center. The Science Center is an incredible museum of science. I think I have mentioned it here before and I am fairly certain that I will again in the future. Anyone interested in any and all science should really check it out sometime. There is much to be learned there.

The only reason I brought up the Science Center today though is because of the parking situation. See the Science Center is free to get in to the main lobbies which honestly gets you quite a lot of fun, but parking is ten bucks. We are members of the Science Center and have vouchers for free parking that come with the membership. However, as I mentioned, this was an unexpected trip to the Science Center, so the vouchers were safe at home where they were completely useless to us.

Nearby the St. Louis Science Center is Forest Park. I thought that the best thing to do, as someone who needs to learn to live more frugally, would be to park in Forest Park where we could both park for free and get plenty of extra exercise on the way to the entrance of the museum. So I parked a fair distance away from the north entry to the Science Center.

On our way to the entrance, it was hot and sunny as is typical of St. Louis lately. It has been over 100º as a high most days in the past few weeks.

Jupiter was a trooper most of the way to the Science Center entrance. Tsunami, whom I was holding in one arm or another depending on which one was more tired, was also a trooper. He did not complain at all during this walk or the other two which I will mention shortly.

Once we got to the Science Center, we looked at a few of the public exhibits, and we got some tickets to a planetarium show, which were free with the membership and only required me to have my membership card which I carry with me all the time.

Upon leaving the Science Center we had some other things to do a little closer to the east side of the park. Things which I think I am supposed to suspend mentioning for now, but perhaps another post will go into that. So we walked to the east side of the park.

On that walk Jupiter started complaining a little bit more. He did not want to walk any further, but upon being queried as to why he did not want to walk, he did not respond with an answer. Without any reason for us to either stay under the tree which he had chosen as his setting for airing his complaints, or go back the way we came, we marched forward.

After doing the things that we did on the east side of the park we chose to make the trip back to the car. It is on this walk back that we get to the rock in the shoe.

We walked for a little while and eventually Jupiter told me he had a rock in his sandal. I told him that we would stop so he could get it out.

He immediately asked me to help him. However, as I usually do when he does not try himself first, I told him I would offer no help until he at least tries. Try he did, and he could not get it out. So as per my parenting style, I decided to help him and got down on one knee, putting Tsunami onto my other knee, while I helped Jupiter with his rock.

I searched high and low for the rock, but it seemed there was no rock to be found.

He then stood back up and exclaimed to me that it was still there.

Again, I checked.

Again, no rock.

I then asked him if perhaps the rock he was having trouble with was imaginary. He said that indeed it was. Finally we could actually start to work on the real task before us.

I took his sandal off one last time and made sure to clear it of any imaginary rocks. I then asked him if he saw any imaginary rocks left on the sandal. He responded that all imaginary rocks were absent from the shoe and so I put it back on.

The rest of the walk was pleasant. After getting the imaginary rock out of the way, Jupiter rarely complained the rest of the way to the car. The two times he did complain were for real rocks in his sandals, which turned out to be far easier fixes than the imaginary one had been.

I think the thing that makes it harder for us to get the imaginary rocks out of the shoes in our lives is the fear of admitting to ourselves that the rock was imaginary in the first place. We can be made to feel embarrassed that we were so easily fooled by something so unreal. Sometimes the situation is a little bit different. Sometimes the rock was real at one time but fell out on its own and feeling of the rock being there remained until we went back to check that the rock was gone. Maybe this was the case here too. I cannot be certain.

I can say for sure that there have been plenty of huge imaginary rocks making my travels hard in my life in the past. For me, as time goes on it gets easier for me to recognize that there is a possibility that the rock is imaginary and to humble myself to know that it is okay to have been fooled by something which was not real, but only imagined by me or placed there by someone else’s suggestion at a time when I was more impressionable.

It is easy to remove a real rock as it is visible to the naked eye and can be easily discerned by our brains as to exactly what it takes to remove it. Imaginary rocks could be anywhere in the shoe. There are more complexities involved with searching around for it. Sometimes you need to look at the shoe from different angles and depths before you can zero in on its location. Then once you know the location of the rock you still have to figure out the size and weight before you can be sure that it is removed.

I think that we can all do a little better to remember that sometimes the rock is imaginary.

I know my cousin Jon does not mind giving out some music from time to time. He gave me a whole tape’s worth of MP3 music from his band Bus Gas. I loved it. A good chap, that cousin of mine is.

Another group that likes to give out free music is the birds. The ones in the trees. The ones that sing as you are walking through the woods. Sometimes I pay the birds for their music though. I pay them a convenience fee for coming to my house to sing by putting bird seed out. Sometimes I feed the ducks at a pond too. The genre they play is called waddle-hop.

I like the idea of pay it forward or sideward or upward or whatever-ward-you-want-ward. The way I do not like payment is through IOUs that come with restrictions and allow for hording and inflating and holding fees and expenditures. Those sorts of payment are just really no good. They seem to create inequalities and authorities and junk.

I suppose the point of this post is that I do not think that I have done anything for my cousin in awhile and I probably owe him a pack of cigarettes or something. He is always the type of guy who is as giving as anyone can be. And I cannot recall the last time I did a favor for him.

Shucks.

In Lincoln, Fireworks were only allowed on the fourth, and only small ones such as sparklers, snakes, and the like. Most people paid no attention to this law. On the fourth of July people were shooting of some pretty significantly illegal fireworks. Many of them were not only illegal within Lincoln city limits, they were illegal in the entire state of Nebraska. I know plenty of folks who would drive down to Missouri every year to get some of the really good ones. Who knows? I may have been one of them.

But there is something beautiful about those who break the law regarding fireworks on Independence Day, is there not? The reason we celebrate the day is to mark our independence from tyrannic unjust authority. Historically speaking this was the King of England pushing a sect of Christianity that some did not agree with. Today, as stupid and insignificant it may seem to some, people are disobeying the very authority which was formed in the wake of our declaration of independence. It would seem that, not only some, but many people feel that our government in some ways is being unjustly tyrannical. They will not be oppressed. They will rebel! We are a nation of rebels built out of rebellion. Sometimes, and I would argue quite frequently lately, our government needs a reminder that many of us are the descendants of rebels who would not stand for government oppression.

We have strength in our numbers and no amount of increased law enforcement can prevent the majority of the populace blatantly disregarding it. I am sure that the police sometimes try to enforce those laws in Lincoln, but the most they can do effectively is give a heftier fine if some careless asshat blows up his neighbor. Although it is not hard to find articles about accidental injury, the great majority of the time no one gets hurt. Sometimes, it would seem, a few need to be sacrificed for the liberation of the greater many.

Sure, fireworks are pollution. They cause our dogs much unnecessary trauma. Not to mention that they usually amount to a bunch of liter the next day. I tell you what. If I see a bunch of trash on my street tomorrow, I will go pick it up. I am not even lighting a single fuse this year because of the extreme fire danger and the fact it is Chris’s work week so we will barely have enough time to fit in a family BBQ. I hope my fellow humans also realize that there is extreme fire danger here in St. Louis and that they will be extra cautious in light of that fact. But, I already heard some pops last night, and I am sure some will follow tonight.

That is what I think it should mean to be human. To help clean up after the careless mess of others just because it needs to be done by someone. I am hopeful that whoever did it will someday amount to someone who cared enough to do something kind for someone else. I think being human means to show, through my actions, that we people can be better to each other even when we are being careless ourselves. I know I am pretty careless sometimes. Despite differences, we should try to have no enemies, and only be kind and loving to each other. I guess that is what I get out of Independence Day. Nothing about nationalism or whatever patriotism is supposed to mean these days. Just humans loving other humans because we all deserve it from each other. Despite that it was born out of some humans stealing land from a bunch of other humans for their own selfish gain, I think there is something about liberation and learning from mistakes that the whole world can celebrate in it too.

Speaking of descendants, one of my favorite songs to listen to on Independence Day (thanks to my high school classmate and friend, Joe, for reminding me of it last year) is one by the punk band Descendents in their song, ‘Merican. I will leave you with that.

St. Louis is most certainly a party town with a lot of party opportunities for binge drinkers and sober fun lovers alike. It is Chris’s work week so we did not get to spend a lot of time there, but it is important to us that we expose our kids to a variety of people and lifestyles, and the St. Louis Pride Fest was no better way to do it.

The parade was a great fun time for everyone. Jupiter enjoyed every moment. While at Mangia he found a friend named Lily Mae and helped her with her beads.

We hung around Mangia for a little while and ate our brunch. I had a couple of delicious Bloody Marys and a Belgian Waffle. Do not ever go to Mangia for brunch without getting a Bloody Mary. They make one of the most delicious ones I have ever had.

Next we started toward the Tower Grove park. Since Chris had another overnight shift on the horizon, we had to cheer pride as fast as we could and get back home so she could sleep before she had to go back to work.

On our way to and through the park we met a few interesting characters. As my friend Greg said when he saw this picture, Tsunami officially now has a WTF look after seeing a few gay clowns. Jupiter was definitely a fan of the balloons and even a pup got in on the enjoyment.

I also saw some dominatrix action, some cross dressing, a lot of hand holding, and definitely a lot of love.

The theme of the festival this year was “Be You”. I really like that theme a lot. It speaks for so much more than only people who have issues with a certain subset of society because of gender preferences and roles. Everyone has something that is uniquely them, and I felt that is what this Pride Fest was about.

I think we will keep taking the kids to festivals like this one. It is very important for me and Chris to raise our kids to be accepting of all people no matter what or who they are. It is also important for us to teach them to be themselves no matter who or what that may turn out to be.